How much is that doggie in the window?

Some would call me heartless, cruel, unkind. I know there are different schools of thought about barking dogs--well, more specifically, what to do about them. I think there's only one school of thought about them in general, which is that they are obnoxious. Anyway, our dogs are "geriatric" according to the vet, but Oscar's incessant daytime boredom bark (one he rarely shows when we're home) was driving the neighbors to insanity. To the point of reporting us to Animal Control. And their insanity became our insanity, as we tried method after method of calming what is a herding dog's instinct.

So I asked around, did a lot of research. My wonderful forever friend Julene is a dog enthusiast--her dogs (5 in all, I think) are a very close second after her children. She trains them to do agility contests, feeds them a very high-effort diet of raw meat and uses only positive-reinforcement to get them to do the right things. When I found out she had some of her dogs debarked, my ears perked up. Debarking (vocal cord cutting) causes the sound to mute or dull, but does not take away the dog's instinct to bark, nor the pleasure he gets from doing so. In this area, debarking ran about $700, which frankly is a ton of money for a geriatric herding dog. In Memphis, however, this blessed procedure--done by the same vet who magically fixed Julene's dogs--was less than $150. So we loaded up the pooches last November, and Oscar was rendered mute (but still, I must add, perfectly happy and still needy as always).

The scar tissue is settled, and there is a bit of a bark again, but it's a tolerable yip at this point. However, Oscar has done two things to compensate for his silence: he has become an incessant scratcher (on the outside windows, which are low to the ground since our house is a split-level; on the doors; on the deck, on whatever he think will be loud enough) AND he has somehow convinced Quincy to become a Barker. "Quincy hardly ever barks," we'd proudly brag. Ha! I guess Oscar barked enough for two. Now, Quincy may be headed for Magical Vet Man if he doesn't mind his pees and cues.

All this to ask how in the world one can put a house on the market with two scratchy, potentially loud dogs? (Not to mention two toddlers and two insanely busy & not-so-tidy grown-ups, but that's another topic.) The windows in the back, thanks to Oscar's habit, clean up fine but look scratchy again after one afternoon outside. The garage doors have scratches IN THE METAL. I'm pretty sure Oscar is missing a little something in the "self-control" department--something left over from being the only child for a few years, before Quincy, before kids. He's a bit OCD if you ask me.

So don't call me cruel--or if you do, the very least you can do is offer to adopt my two sweet, lovable dogs while I try to sell my house! Rescue them from...declawing??