The See-Saw

Usually, I blog about the kids. Today I am blogging about me. If you're looking for cute pictures and stories to make you chuckle, scroll down. I'm feelin' introspective, so indulge me.

At my sister's college commencement from our shared alma mater, the speaker told the all-woman graduating class that they could not "have it all." You cannot, she suggested, be successful in a career and a successful wife/mother. It's just impossible. Needless to say, from this audience of truly driven, overachieving, super-smart women, the speaker was not well-received. There was uncomfortable silence, some audible booing, and a lot of outraged whispering. The applause was muted at best. How dare she!? I was among those rolling the eyes: whatever, lady. Maybe you are a failure, but I won't be!

She was right.

She was not right in saying that you cannot have both a career and a family. But she is right in suggesting that if you strive for both, each will suffer a little. Sometimes a lot. I don't mean that the kids will actually suffer. Or that you can't break through a glass ceiling. But you have to find a livable balance, and that means both sides have to compromise.

There are many days when events occur at my daughters' schools that I cannot attend. There are playgroups and storytimes and mommy-and-me music classes that don't fit into our schedule. Rebecca has missed gymnastics a couple of times because I didn't get home in time to take her. Amelia sometimes hangs out for more hours than I'd like to admit at daycare, well cared-for, but still being raised--to some degree--by sweet but young women who are, simply, not me. Molly isn't taking dance class this year because there were just too many after-school activities that I couldn't juggle them when Peter travels for work. We have a hard time making it to Wednesday night activities at church--I just get home too late. Some days I am simply not a good mother.

On the flip side, I don't do much socializing with co-workers after hours because it means missing at-home time. I pass on the Pampered Chef parties and potluck dinners. I don't make my hour-long commute just for a department meeting--I don't even usually come in early for such meetings, because an extra hour in the morning is vital to my day with the family. When I am in my office, I take occasional lulls in the clinic day to schedule dentist appointments, call the teacher about the fundraiser, plan a birthday party. My lunch hours are spent running errands, picking up prescriptions, picking out a dress for the class picture--not usually eating in the break room with the staff and forging alliances and friendships. This probably means I don't "get ahead" as fast, and I often don't feel like part of the "team" in our office. When I am on call, if my patient has an epidural--and even sometimes when she doesn't :( --I go to sleep at night. Some days I am simply not a good midwife.

I am a half-ass mom and a half-ass midwife full time.

BUT my kids are kind, healthy, happy girls. They are considerate of others (usually), they are smart, they are funny, and they are very, very, very loved. They are eager to learn about the world around them--the big world, not just their neighborhood. They are motivated and independent. They like to snuggle and giggle, and they get to do plenty of both. Most of these traits are not because of me or my parenting--they are just God-given gifts--but I like to think that Peter and I cultivate these gifts in them. (Speaking of Peter, he is 90% of the reason I can do what I do. He is Mr. Mom so often. We are partners to the core, and he is wonderful. I will blog about him sometime, but today, it's all about me.)

Some days I dream of being a stay-at-home mom. I honor those women. I am frequently jealous of them. If my money tree bloomed, I might try it for a little while. I would probably be bad at it, though. Because my sense of balance--right here, right now--depends on both sides giving a little so that I can have it all.